


The Pope, A Singing Nun, and Arthur Walk Into a Library

by giselleslash



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-10
Updated: 2011-06-10
Packaged: 2017-10-20 07:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/210346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giselleslash/pseuds/giselleslash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is a librarian, Arthur is in search of a book. Of course this entire transaction results in true love. There might also be a professor asleep in the Ancient Egypt section.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pope, A Singing Nun, and Arthur Walk Into a Library

"The face is here."

Merlin looked up from his computer. "Hm. The what now?"

"The face," Morgana said as she nodded her head toward the bank of computers past their desk. "You know, the face that contains true love's shiny blond doll hair, giant nose and crooked teeth."

"I like his teeth." Merlin let slip out before he could stop himself. "Whatever. Shut up."

" _I like his teeth_." Morgana repeated in a sing-song voice that sounded nothing like Merlin. Nothing, dammit.

"Shut up," Merlin repeated and went back to checking in books.

"Yeah, okay, I'll shut up and won't bother to tell you he's looking at you. Not that it's a surprise since that seems to be his favorite library activity."

"He probably has a question."

"I'm sure he does. It probably involves asking after the ISBN number for your cock."

"Morgana! We're in a library for christsake, stop being filthy."

"What? There are probably seven hundred and thirty-seven books that have the word 'cock' in them in just our section of the library alone."

"Yeah, but they aren't shouting out the word now are they?"

"I wasn't shouting."

"Oh my god, Morgana, will you please just shut up."

Merlin had his back turned to the counter as he scowled at Morgana so he had a clear front seat view of the happily evil smile that suddenly spread across her face. "Of course I'll shut up, Merlin," she said sweetly. "Customer."

Merlin gave her one last look of disgust before spinning around in his chair and practically barking out, "Can I help you?" like a reflex.

"Um. Yeah?" The voice was confused and really sort of lovely and Merlin looked up in dread. _Oh, shittery fuckery._

Merlin stared at the guy in front of him, the one with the gorgeous face and perfectly crooked teeth. "I've got books," he said inanely.

"Well, yes, I suppose you would," the guy smiled and pointed his finger around. "Libraries tend to do that."

Merlin wanted to make a running leap for the door that led out of the reference desk area and into blessed, blessed freedom. He was going to make an absolute tit of himself, he knew it.

"Ha! Yes!" Merlin said far too loudly. "They do. Clever things."

The guy squinted at him and then raised an eyebrow like he wasn't entirely sure what to think of him but he smiled again after the quick, befuddled look and oh, but he had a nice smile.

"I'm doing a research paper. On the, um, Habsburg-Valois Wars." For some reason the guy was blushing and Merlin tried his best not to make cow eyes at him. "With emphasis on the Papal States and there was this book suggested to me, the computer says it's in but I can't find it on the shelves?" His voice rose up at the end in question and Merlin tried not to coo at the adorableness of it.

"I could help you with that, uh...?" Merlin looked at the guy and hoped he got the hint, he didn't want to flat out ask him for a name he could call out the next time he wanked in the shower.

"Oh, um, Arthur?"

Fuck it all, if he didn't stop being stupidly, adorably confused by the basics of the English language Merlin was going to let a coo slip out. Maybe even an eyelash flutter too.

"Merlin," Merlin said as he pointed to himself like Arthur was a simpleton and couldn't have sussed that one out on his own. He walked around the counter and stood in front of Arthur - and oh my god Arthur was touching him what was happening - ?

"Yeah, I got that," Arthur said as he pushed a finger into Merlin's chest. "Name tag."

Oh, right, the name tag. Fuck. Merlin had been hoping Arthur had suddenly been overcome by his manly chest and had to reach out to touch it to actually believe it was real. Dammit. He needed to stop thinking that because it never ever ended up happening that way. Ever. He usually just had mustard on his shirt. Or a name tag.

"Pfft. Yeah. Forgot that," Merlin said as he rolled his eyes and headed over to the stacks. "What was the reference number?" he asked over his shoulder. He knew exactly where Arthur had been searching on the shelves - not that he had been watching him like a stalker for the entire forty-seven minutes he'd been in the library so far today - but he needed to know the specifics.

"Here," Arthur said and handed over a scrap of paper with some words and numbers scrawled across it. Merlin's fingers brushed along Arthur's and he had to think innocent thoughts to keep himself from taking those lovely, long fingers and putting them directly onto his crotch.

_Kittens and puppies and rainbows. Kittens and puppies and rainbows._

"What was that?" Arthur stepped closer to Merlin and leaned in. "Did you say something?"

"Me? Oh no, just counting. To myself. Looking for your book. Y'know, with the numbers and all."

Arthur gave him that confused, squinty look again but shrugged and said. "Oh, okay."

"So, what's the name of the book then?"

Arthur was leaning over looking at the spines of the books in front of him. "Um, _Popes, Cardinals & War: The Military Church in Renaissance and Early Modern Europe._"

"Sounds fascinating."

"It's actually not that bad," Arthur said as he bounced a bit on his toes and looked over at Merlin. "I know most people don't get excited about papal history, but honestly? Popes were generally quite a sleazy, lecherous lot, some of the worst people you'd ever want to meet. Makes them interesting."

"God must be proud."

"Baby Jesus too," Arthur grinned.

"Ah, lovely," Merlin nodded then turned back to the shelves. He was looking at the section where Arthur's book should have been but wasn't finding a trace of it. "It doesn't seem to be here."

"Uh, what?"

Merlin noticed that Arthur had been staring at him and not the shelves. He wasn't sure if he should have pointed out to him that books generally lived on shelves and not on the side of people's heads, no matter how big and shelf-like their ears might appear to be.

"Your book. Not here."

"Yeah, I know that. That's why I came to you."

"I'll keep looking but it could be that it's lost."

"Or that you're failing abysmally at your duties as a librarian."

"There is that," Merlin agreed as he nodded his head thoughtfully. "I did take an oath."

"Did you pledge your fealty and your brain to protect the honor of the library and all the books therein? Even _Madonna: An Intimate Biography_?"

"Especially _Madonna: An Intimate Biography_."

"I should hope so," Arthur said seriously. "That's a really good book."

Merlin laughed and pointed back toward the reference desk. "I'm going to go and see if I can't track down your book so you can read about those pervy popes of yours."

Arthur had smiled when Merlin started laughing but it faltered a bit when he said, "Oh, yeah. I suppose you have to go back to work. Can't muck about in the stacks all day in search of pope porn, can you?"

All Merlin could think was, _'Yes. Well. I'd like to make porn with you. If you want to dress up like a pope be my guest.'_ but he just nodded and started walking back to his desk. And it was decidedly uncool of Morgana to laugh when he tripped over his feet the fifth (or so) time he looked back at Arthur. He was pretty sure he had a forlorn look on his face worthy of the world's best swooning regency heroine.

Bollocks.

 

~*~

 

Merlin didn't find Arthur's book, not even a whiff of it, which might have been due to the fact that he spent more time gazing at Arthur as he typed away on his laptop and looked way too fucking sexy for a nerd in love with popes. Thank god Arthur left an hour later otherwise Merlin wouldn't have gotten a thing done for the rest of his shift.

Merlin was minding his own business and _not_ imagining spanking Arthur for having overdue books when the voice belonging to his non-imaginings interrupted his non-imaginating.

"Find my book yet?" Arthur asked as he leaned over the counter and peered at Merlin.

God. He smelled like soap and rain. Merlin was going to get a boner the next time he put on a pair of wellies.

"Is it raining?" he asked instead of answering Arthur's very straightforward question.

"Uh. No. Why?" Arthur asked. Hm. Maybe Merlin would stop making him look so adorably confused if he stopped looking so adorable while doing it. Ugh. Vicious circle.

"No reason. Just making conversation."

"Yeah, okay."

"So. The book." Merlin said and Arthur looked hopeful. "Yeah. Didn't find it."

Arthur shrugged. "That's fine. I'm sure it'll turn up sometime. It's here somewhere."

"I fear this is going to turn into my search for the holy grail."

"You should get Sean Connery and Harrison Ford to help out," Arthur suggested.

"Hm," Merlin hummed. "I'll think about it. I don't really want Harrison hogging the spotlight though once we find it. People tend to swoon around him."

"Not so much now. If it were his Han Solo days then, yes, I'd worry."

"Food for thought, that one," Merlin nodded and Arthur laughed. Merlin sort of wanted to eat Arthur's laugh. It was the goofiest thing and it was frighteningly close to becoming Merlin's favorite sound ever. Well, aside from Arthur's voice itself and what Merlin imagined Arthur's sex moans to sound like. Now those were probably the most delicious things on the planet.

"Well. I suppose I should be getting back to that research paper, huh?" Arthur said, in what Merlin hoped was a reluctant tone. Merlin spent a lot of time hoping Arthur pined for him in the embarrassing fashion he pined for Arthur.

If Morgana were to be believed.

Which she wasn't.

Ever.

"I suppose so, yes," Merlin said. "I'll keep looking for your book."

Arthur smiled as he took a step back from the desk. "Thanks, Merlin."

Merlin gave Arthur a little half wave as he watched him walk away.

A wave? Seriously? Oh god. Merlin dropped his head onto his desk. He needed help. A lot of it.

"For the love of us all," Morgana said as she pushed her chair back and came spinning toward Merlin in a flurry of hair and mouthy unhelpfulness. "There's no one in the Ancient Egypt section, please take that boy back there and make out with him. A lot. A truly obscene amount so you can stop mooning over him like an idiot."

"Okay. Number one, shut up. Number two, I'm not mooning. Number three, yes there is someone in the Ancient Egypt section, Professor Forrester is there."

"Well, yes, he's always there," Morgana interrupted. "But he's asleep three-quarters of the time. If the two of you are quiet I'm sure he'll never even wake up. It's either Ancient Egypt or the toilets, Merlin, take your pick."

"Surprisingly your confidence in Professor Forrester's sleeping habits is not at all reassuring. I'd rather take my chances with the toilets."

"I was trying to give you a less back alley of a filthy gay club option for your first kiss with your true love, but have it your way. The toilets it is." Morgana shrugged.

"We are talking about the library toilets you know," Merlin said. "Hardly two a.m. outside of The Manhole."

"Ha," Morgana laughed. "I knew you went there. I don't care how many times you deny it."

"I never denied it." Merlin threw up his hands. "You were there with me once. And we had Lance's bachelor party there because despite the fact that he's marrying Gwen he's far too sensitive to people's manpain than a straight man ought to be."

"Just because you want Lance to be gay doesn't mean he is. How many times do I have to tell you that making wishes on rainbows after eight pints of lager doesn't a queer make."

Merlin crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "Well it should."

"There there," Morgana said as she reached over and patted Merlin on the knee.

"If it did I'd wish on a fucking double rainbow that Arthur was a raging queen in a footballer's body."

"You go girl," Morgana said as she raised her fist in the air. "Dream big."

Merlin rolled his eyes and kicked at Morgana's chair with his foot and sent her rolling back across to her side of the desk. Morgana just laughed her evil cackle and went back to plotting her next evil plan to thwart Merlin's life. That or she was searching for the stack of books requested by the art history professor that stopped by every Tuesday and Thursday.

Either way. Evil. Pure evil.

Merlin looked over at Arthur and found him staring back at him. He flushed an absolutely charming pink across his cheekbones and gave Merlin a half smile and a little nod.

A nod. _That's_ what Merlin should have done instead of that lame wave.

A nod would've been so much cooler.

 

~*~

 

"Still no book, huh?"

Merlin braced himself for the onslaught of Arthur's beaming smile before he actually looked up into it. Fuck, but Arthur could blind a guy with that thing.

It was fucking perfect.

"Uh, no?"

"You sound unsure."

"No, I'm really quite sure I didn't find your book," Merlin said.

"Oh, I see," Arthur nodded. "You're beginning to be embarrassed that a tiny little book is becoming your great white whale. It's a sad day when a knight of the reference isn't able to reference."

"Don't you worry. I'll find that book and you'll reference the hell out of it and there will be ballads written depicting my grand accomplishment."

"I could sing _[She Works Hard for the Money](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TKQcWEXSKU)_ for you at karaoke night at the Mad Hatter," Arthur offered.

"That could be an acceptable alternative."

"But you have to find the book first before I bestow such a gift onto you."

"Oh, I'll find it," Merlin promised. "Just you wait and see."

"I'll start practicing my dance moves then, shall I?" Arthur asked.

"Absolutely. I assume there'll be choreography to go along with this tribute to my amazing reference locating abilities."

"Of course. Surely a wig and a costume could be found as well."

"I look forward to it then." Merlin grinned.

As Merlin watched Arthur walk away, and good lord did he look lovely walking away, he could hear Morgana muttering to herself about foolish boys and toilets.

She was obviously cracked.

 

~*~

 

"So I've got a dance routine together that I think would impress Nigel Lythgoe himself."

Merlin laughed and settled the book he had in his hand onto the shelf before looking over at Arthur and giving him a smile.

"Unfortunately I can't collect on this masterpiece of dance. Still no book."

"To be quite honest, Merlin, I'm fairly disappointed that you're not more eager to see me perform my magnum opus."

Arthur was leaning against the bookshelves and looking gloriously windswept and _blond_. He also still smelled like soap and rain, which was fine for wanking in the shower but not for living in a town where it drizzled every third day. Merlin was going to have to take to carrying his book bag in front of his crotch if Arthur kept this up, this smelling so fucking good business. Selfish twat.

"Trust me," Merlin said as he shelved another book, "nothing gives me greater pain than not fulfilling my quest and being serenaded by the fair princess."

"I'd look smashing in a tiara," Arthur conceded.

God. Merlin wanted to kiss his face; his big, bright, beautiful face. He must have been staring - but hopefully not drooling - because Arthur reached out and tapped on his arm as he said, 'Merlin.'

"What? Ah. Yes. Very lovely in a tiara. Sparkly."

Merlin frowned. He was completely losing it and goddamn her, Morgana was right. She'd been right from the moment Arthur had first walked into the library and Merlin hadn't been able to speak a coherent word for nearly seven minutes afterward.

He was bloody in love with Arthur.

Hell and fuck.

He was mental with it, actually. He thought about him constantly and was forever saying stupid shite around him and the sound of his voice made Merlin's knees want to give in. And those crooked teeth, well, Merlin just wanted to suck those inside of him and keep them in the center of his stupid in love heart where they belonged.

Along with every other piece of Arthur.

And his disturbing love for popes.

"Merlin?" Arthur said as he touched Merlin's arm again. "Are you okay?"

"What? Oh no, I'm fine. Fine." _Except for the part where I want to make sweet sweet love to you in the Ancient Egypt section, Professor Forrester be damned._

"Well if you're sure." Arthur gave him a look like he wasn't entirely sure at all. "I'll go and let you get back to work."

"Yeah. Sounds good, thanks." Merlin nodded and went back to shelving books like a fiend. He was going to shelve the hell out of those books, dammit.

He waited until Arthur had turned and walked away before hunching over and very stealthily (except not really) sneaking down the row of books and zig-zagging his way back to the reference desk. He wasn't really sure zig-zagging needed to be involved but what was done was done.

"Oh god," he said as he pulled his chair over next to Morgana's, flopped down into it and dropped his head down on her desk next to her keyboard. "You were right all along. I love him. In a really epic love song kind of way. Celine Dion sized love."

"There there," Morgana paused her typing for two seconds to pat him on the head a couple of times before she went straight back to clicking away at the keyboard. "Reality is a shocking thing, isn't it, poppet?"

"It suuuucks," Merlin drawled, his voice muffled by the desk.

"Yes, well, let's hope Arthur does too, shall we?"

 

~*~

 

"So, here's the thing," Arthur said as he got into his favorite position of leaning over Merlin's desk and giving him heart palpitations. "I'm going to ask you out on a date; partly because I want to and partly because your co-worker accosted me and demanded I do so. But mostly because I want to," Arthur added.

"Well that's good to know," Merlin said more than slightly baffled by this glorious turn of events. He'd worry about killing Morgana and burying the body later.

"They're showing _Sister Act_ and _Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit_ at the Palladium and while they're not popes I suppose singing nuns will do."

Merlin laughed. "They are not."

"Okay, fine, they're not." Arthur smiled. "But they are playing all three _Star Wars_ movies Thursday night and I'd love to take you."

"Which three _Star Wars_?" Merlin asked dubiously.

"The ones that actually count."

Merlin pretended to consider it. "I suppose," he finally said. "Even though singing nuns would've been a far more awesome option."

"You're preaching to the choir," Arthur said as he held his hands up. "Add in _The Sound of Music_ and I'm in movie nirvana."

Merlin knew he was smiling wide enough to look a bit simple but he didn't really care. Arthur asked him out and he felt like there was a flock of butterflies deep down in his gut and it was pretty much the best feeling ever. And who knows whether it was the idiotic smile or the gut butterflies that did it but it happened anyway.

"Did you know you have the best crooked smile in the world? We're talking seriously perfect, like when I see you smile my heart just wants to suck your smile right down inside it and make it live there, that's the kind of perfect I'm talking about."

Merlin's mouth dropped open.

Oh, christ.

Maybe he wasn't going to the movies at all but rather the local police station on charges of lunacy and Arthur endangerment.

But instead of shouting out in terror for the nearest constable, or Morgana, to save him, Arthur smiled. He fucking smiled one of his fucking perfect smiles, the source of Merlin's lunatic ravings and word vomit, and said, "Thanks."

Like what Merlin had just said was completely sane and a rather lovely compliment at that and not the most frightening thing he'd ever heard.

Arthur was definitely a keeper.

Merlin might have even cooed.

 

~*~

 

"I have a confession to make," Arthur said as they stood outside Merlin's building.

Arthur had walked him home after the movies where they'd had an excessive amount of popcorn, maltesers and skittles and probably several liters of orange soda which Merlin was pretty sure resulted in a sugar high of epic proportions. At least that was the reason he was going to use when asked why they thought it'd be a good idea to sing _She Works Hard for the Money_ in the men's toilet between _The Empire Strikes Back_ and _Return of the Jedi_ , but really, Arthur had choreographed it and everything. It would've been flat out rude if Merlin hadn't asked to see it performed. And what had better acoustics than a toilet? Really, it all made sense.

Well, Merlin might also have been slightly giddy from holding Athur's hand during the entire second half of _The Empire Strikes Back_. They'd been nervous and ridiculous throughout _Star Wars_ and it wasn't until Han set course for Cloud City that Arthur's fingers brushed against Merlin's. Merlin was so fucking relieved that he grabbed Arthur's hand before he could think twice. Merlin figured it was Billy Dee Williams that did it. Anyone named Billy Dee automatically set the soul in motion.

Probably the funk too.

But anyway, it had been a good night. A really, really fucking good night.

"I have a confession to make," Arthur said.

"You do?" Merlin asked.

"I do." Arthur took a step closer to Merlin. "But first I'm going to kiss you, if that's okay with you."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm okay with that." Merlin smiled and leaned into Arthur. "Remember I have a thing for your mouth, it makes me say weird and wondrous things."

Arthur laughed, well more like chuckled, really, deep down in his throat as his lips brushed up against Merlin's and Merlin's heart thundered in his ears. "That's right," he whispered against the corner of Merlin's mouth. "I wouldn't want to forget that."

"No." Merlin shook his head. "You wouldn't."

Arthur's nose brushed against Merlin's and then he was kissing him. And kissing him. And kissing him. And he pretty much proved that Merlin's heart had the right of it all along; that Arthur's mouth was a fucking epic thing of beauty.

Arthur's right hand was at the small of Merlin's back and the left was curved around his neck and all Merlin could do was to keep both of his arms wrapped around Arthur's back and hold on and be amazed that he had this phenomenal pope-loving pervert all to himself.

"So, that confession," Arthur said, his lips still hovering over Merlin's mouth.

"Yeah?" Merlin whispered.

"My book? Not so lost, actually."

Merlin pulled back a bit and looked at Arthur. "What?"

Arthur smiled sheepishly. "Well, I might have found it on the shelf and moved it slightly over."

"Really?"

"See the thing of it is is that I really wanted to talk to you and I didn't exactly have a reason. But you were just sitting there behind that desk with your hair sort of everywhere and your ears. Your ears. And your profile. Merlin, your profile made me think things that made it especially difficult to get anything else done. It was tragic really, my predicament."

"It was, huh?" Merlin raised an eyebrow.

Arthur gave him a pathetic pleading look. "Yes. Come on now, don't make fun. You talked about your heart sucking in my smile so I think we're on even ground here. Weird, creepy ground to anyone but us, but even ground nonetheless."

Merlin smiled and kissed Arthur to put him out of his misery.

"Agreed," Merlin said as he pulled back from Arthur's lips. "We're on even creepy ground together."

Arthur grinned and took Merlin's hand in his to bring it up to his lips. "Yeah?"

"Of course," Merlin said. "But as long as we're on the topic, what is your definition of 'moved it slightly over'?"

Arthur kissed the knuckle of Merlin's index finger. "Hm. I'd say 'slightly over' might mean the Ancient Egypt section. I shoved it on the shelf behind some old guy sleeping. He was snoring."

Ah yes, the clearly comatose Professor Forrester. Well, Merlin was definitely going to take Morgana's suggestion to heart.

Obviously Merlin needed to make out with Arthur in the Ancient Egypt section.

And they probably wouldn't even need to be all that quiet about it.

 

~ End

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Podfic: The Pope, A Singing Nun and Arthur Walk Into a Library](https://archiveofourown.org/works/580690) by [striped_bowties](https://archiveofourown.org/users/striped_bowties/pseuds/striped_bowties)




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